Define Yourself
Claudia, Deputy Head Prefect, asks us to define ourselves, not be defined.
Each week, our Student Leaders share their insights with their peers in Assembly.
When I was 11, I was told by a boy, who happened to be my crush, that I have a big forehead, in fact, so big that you could build a city on it! I started noticing my forehead in the mirror and over time, considered my big forehead to be a flaw.
We all perceive ourselves to have flaws and imperfections. I don’t think many are as superficial as one’s forehead size but regardless, they exist for everybody. Often, I find not only myself but the people around me dwelling on these, telling ourselves that we are terrible at maths or wishing we were a better netballer.
But where do these perceived flaws and imperfections stem from? If I was never told that I had a big forehead, I don’t think I would ever have considered it an issue. Too often, we let other people define how we see ourselves and our attitude towards our own self-worth.
Sometimes, this may be great – it motivates us to work harder, improve our weaknesses and consequently improve ourselves as individuals. However, there are moments when it’s better to focus on our strengths and things that make us smile.
Recently a 14-year-old girl called Arisa Trew won gold in skateboarding at the Paris Olympics. For such an incredible achievement I was inspired by what her coach said to her in between the third and final rounds. Typically, I would expect an intense pep talk, assuring her that she had to nail the round with perfect precision. Instead, he said two words, “skibidi sigma”. These words didn’t focus on eliminating imperfection, they boosted her confidence and most importantly made her smile. Within these words, she found her own strength and went from coming in third to first.
Arisa Trew, whilst being Australia’s youngest-ever Olympic gold medallist, still has weaknesses, she’s human after all, just like you and me. To perform at the level she does, I’m sure she must spend hours analysing her strengths and weaknesses. However, at a time when she needed to flourish, she didn’t focus on flaws, she focused on her strength, giving her the confidence to succeed. I think it is this balance that makes her such an inspiration.
Weaknesses are inevitable but it is our attitude towards them that defines who we are.
A few weeks ago, my football coach asked me to fill in for an under-18s boys’ social team. I agreed but I was terrified. As we were warming up, I kept glancing at the opposition. They were taller than me, bigger than me, and were acting like it was the World Cup Final. I became more and more confident as the game went on but I felt like I had to prove myself. The second half rolled around, and it was 1-1. A boy stepped up to take a corner and I found myself at the back post. The ball soared through the air – it was coming for me. I closed my eyes, shaking. The ball hit my big, big forehead that must have taken up half the six-yard box. It hurt so badly I saw stars, and then I heard someone from my team say, “Did they just score an own goal?” In between starry visions, I said “No, I scored that goal.”
My big forehead had just scored a goal – something I considered a flaw, a weakness, had just turned out to be a strength. A ‘weakness’ hadn’t defined me.
Consequently, I think we need to stop categorising weaknesses and strengths as mutually exclusive. Sometimes, what brings you down can lift you up, but also, what lifts you up can bring you down. I encourage you not to be defined by what you, or others, tell you to be your weakness. Define yourself by your attitude, how you bounce back when something slows you down, and how you find strength in others and for the people around you because, ultimately, this is what determines who you are.
And, most importantly, never, ever let anyone tell you what your weaknesses are, especially if they are not someone you trust, admire and love. Because, as coined by Bernard Baruch, “… those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.