It's Time to Stop Apologising
Why do we apologise for simply existing? It’s time to embrace our worth unapologetically.
Each week, our student leaders share their insights with their peers in Assembly.
Sorry, do you mind if I begin speaking? Oh, sorry I wasn’t sure. I’m sorry.
I often find myself apologising when I need not … “sorry, can I sit here?”… “sorry do you mind if I ask a question?” It’s automatic – a deeply ingrained habit of over-apologising.
It’s not a matter of manners or politeness… rather it’s the way women are conditioned to respond.
But its not a new phenomenon. Throughout history, society has structured power to keep women silent and apologetic.
From Victorian ideals of the delicate, decorative and submissive wife to post-World War II pressures for women to abandon the independence they had gained and return to domestic life, we’ve been taught to apologise for taking up space.
Today, our pop culture and media continue to reinforce these damaging ideas:
- Women are still expected to be agreeable and our successes downplayed and our voices softened.
- Girls are taught from a young age to prioritise empathy, politeness, and selflessness – traits that, while valuable, are often weaponised against us.
- Assertiveness, ambition, and confidence are considered “masculine,” and girls are discouraged from embodying those qualities.
- When a man takes charge he’s seen as assertive, a natural leader… When a woman leads, she’s called “bossy” or “aggressive”.
It is little wonder that women pepper their language with qualifiers and apologies, cushioning every request or statement. “Sorry, but can I ask something?”… “I might be wrong, but…”…. In fact, studies have shown that women apologise more frequently than men, not because women are more likely to be wrong, but because we believe we are.
But this isn’t just about words or phrases. These seemingly small linguistic choices have a massive impact on how women are perceived—and, more importantly, how we, as women, perceive ourselves.
We must start unlearning this behaviour by consciously rejecting the instinct to apologise for everything. How about, instead of apologising, you have the grit to express gratitude. Replace “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting” with “Thank you for your patience.” Reframe situations in ways that affirm our worth, rather than diminish it. This small change is powerful because it forces us to acknowledge that we deserve respect—not because we’ve earned it by being deferential or polite, but because we are inherently worthy.
Language is a powerful political tool. We need to normalise assertiveness in women … and have the grit and determination to be unapologetic about that!
I’m sorry I’ve been rambling for so long. But… no, actually, I’m not. So next time you feel the word “sorry” forming on your lips, ask yourself: what are you really apologising for? If the answer is nothing, then it’s time to stop.